About six years ago I was lay dying in the hospital, just a few blocks away from my house in New Jersey. My family was told by the doctors that I may be " dead in a few hours ". I was allowed by our Lord Jesus to see my life passing before me like watching a TV program. I knew I was not ready to die. He spoke to me very clearly and said, " I swear to you I will visit you ".
In my anguish and distress I said to Him, " Lord, please do it now ". Later on that night He literally appeared to me right there in my Hospital room. His Face was so beautiful and He was glowing and covered with a light that looked like the full moon on a winters night. He came to me a few more times and He looked like He was glowing with the fire of a beautiful holy lantern. I could see on His sweet face the death of His Cross. He had died BUT WAS NOW ALIVE AGAIN.
He made me realize immediatly that all life flows from His Face as He causes us to seek and caress His Face in adoring worship. (See 2 Cor. 4 ). He will shine His life and Lordship into us at our request.
He took me out of my body up toward Heaven and said to me, "I want you to trust Me to heal you ". Shortly after that, i began to recover and was totally healed. But, I was very troubled. I began to plead with Him to take me as His spiritual Lover and bride. I wanted Him to come back to me again, and He stirred my heart to pray and plead with Him continuously.
To my greatest delight, He has returned to me again recently and I was so surprised to find that when He came again He revealed Himself to me as male AND female as in the book of Genesis 2. Here in this chapter He plainly declares He has made man in HIS IMAGE which is male and female. He let me see His face twice, smiling so beautifully and it was the face of a beautiful woman.
He picked me up and carried me through realms of time and space and now has filled me with such bliss. I feel as He causes me to adore His face in this bridal worship of Him that I am above all rules and laws of man. No longer bound to them at all. It is so freeing to be blessed by His shining Face like this. He is flowing His sweet death from His Cross into my being and it has removed me from self attempts to try and keep all the rules and laws of man. Especially religious laws. He has made me to swim in this locked gaze at His face and immersed in this realm of ever knowing, yet receiving without asking for more of Him.
I now call Him my He/She God. He brought me to a place of adoring Him again the other night, and as I asked him to show me more of His female side, He drew a very beautiful female breast to my lips and caused me to drink and be nursed until I was filled with Heavenly mothers milk. I was filled with this bliss, My love for Him and illumination of Him. He came to me and let me see Him fly, and then literally walked into me, face to face.
I wonder now, as I go forward, where He will cause me to be accepted, in this ongoing experience with Him that I cannot deny. Bliss to all who read this in His shining faces...